I'mTerrified, okay? Sue me...

Okay, so I'm scared to death right now. Terrified even, and I really want to go take a test just to confirm in my mind that I'm not overreacting, but how can I not overreact when me and my boyfriend are talking last night/this morning and he jokingly states: "Well, I might have to kick you to the curb." Seriously?

But it's my body.

Then, then, I get up and come to this office (let's not even mention that I couldn't sleep last night at all and kept on waking up with an irrational fear, which--in hindsight--isn't all that irrational), and I get online to do research and I find two bloggers at war with each other on this issue and it's not helping me at all.

So, I'm freaked because I know if I make a decision (and mind you, contrary to any of that "you're a couple so it's a joint decision crap", it's still ultimately my body and my decision) then I'll have to leave with it and he JUST might kick me to the curb and find someone else.

I said I don't want them now, but that doesn't mean I don't at all. Just not NOW. I'm stingy. I'm 23. I haven't seen the world yet. I haven't done anything worth mentioning. I'm selfish.

I scared shitless.

Oh please, oh please just start already.