I haven't updated in such a long while with anything meaningful that I'll bet many think I've gone off the deep-end. I have three journals: one is the guilty pleasure of self-pity, the other is just the congregation of stories that I have variously compiled over the years and this one...? Well, I have absolutely no clear what this one is.
I could argue and say that it is like Victor, but then Victor is filled with much self-hate and has been buried in my closet. I could say that this is like Victoria, but Victoria is filled with too much self-discovery that it's too raw to put out for the public to see and judge. So, what are you, blogger?
When I come up with an answer, I'll give you a name.
5.29.2009
5.22.2009
I Want to Feel How I Want to Feel Forever
You know that whole potential thing. Yeah. Methinks I'm wasting mine. I feel like I should be branching out in some kind of drastic way. Stop playing it safe, Erica. Grrruff!
3.29.2009
The Dreaded Day Has Passed...Hooray!!
Dear Blogspot:
Okay...an update. The day that I've been dreading has come to pass and the universe has not shrivelled in on itself and collapsed. Trust me. It's a good thing. What is this dreaded day, you may ask? Well, my ex-boyfriend got married to the chick he cheated on me with nearly a year and some months ago. I was dreading it: 1) because, despite my current boyfriend, I still care about that [expletive] boy that I gave my heart to that long while ago and 2) I hate/dislike the chick that he married because...well...a little voice in my head wanted to cry "she stole him from me!" But how can you steal something that was so readily given? The first one to join is usually the first one to back out, and he was the first one to back out of the relationship.
now, don't get me wrong. I care about him, but I'm not in-love with him or love him anymore. I know that if he ever approached me in any way, shape or form in a way that wouls suggest "hey-let's-you-and-me...da da da la-ta-da" I'd probably kill him. But, if we were able to become friends, I'd be cool with that. It's hard to not feel something that a person that you gave that much of your heart to and trusted almost implicitly for a while. But, meeting him was a good lesson for me in the long run, and it teaches to not...well, let's just say that it taught me a lot of things.
I mean, when I was told by a few friends that he was getting married, I kind of got a 'WTF?' look on my face because I was all like "hang on, neither one of them has a decent place to stay, she's the only one who has a job and neither one of their parents have the money to afford a wedding...WTF is this?" But then I stopped myself and said: "does it matter?" I had to stop myself from marching up to Art Institute of Atlanta and say, "Nick, have you lost your cotton-pickin mind?! How the hell are you going to afford a ring?! You've NEVER held down a job, balanced your own checking account and YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB! Neither one of you has a REAL place to stay except AiA student Housing? Did you get her knocked-up?!!" But, that wasn't my place and he ALWAYS hated it when I pointed out the flaws in any situation (matter of fact, a lot of people hate that. It's not like I say, "Hey, don't do it because this-this-this-and-this could happen. I'm more like: Here's the details. NOW, do you really want to take that course of action?" I'm a Libra; I can't help it). So, I left it alone.
So, I'm at Sutra Lounge last night with my girls Laila and Shari, and Laila's boyfriend, Marcus, and my boyfriend, Shawn, and when La La and Shawn went to put some stuff in the car, Marcus pulls me aside to first discuss a fighting tournament that's coming up in a few weeks (Am SOOOO going! <3!) and then to discuss Nick and Blasina (that's the chick's name)'s wedding. I wasn't attempting to listen. Okay, I'm lying...I was, but only because Shari was indignant that she didn't get invited and Marcus went onto say that no one came except her family and a few of Nick's family, but the key people that were supposed to come abandoned him (ie his groomsmen and the rest of the groom's wedding party), and that Marcus himself didn't really go, but heard about it from another friend who had gone. The rumor was that because no one at AiA really liked Blasina that they didn't show up because they didn't agree with him, Nick, marrying her.
And I was a little shocked because when I'd heard about it from La La that she wouldn't go unless Marcus went (and Marcus didn't go), I was a little ticked because I knew that while Nick, Marcus and Blasina had had a falling-out last year, I knew La La was still at least on speaking terms with Nick (then again, she too had had a falling out this year with Blasina over some inappropriate comments that the former had made about Marcus) and that if they had felt that they wanted to invite her, then she should've gone to support her friends and been apart of their day (I don't know if it makes me a chump for wanting Nick to have a happy life even if it is with her or if it somehow gives me some extra Karma points for my next life...I know! *Announcer voice*: "Now YOU can win Karma POINTS and apply them to our GRAND PRIZE SWEEPSTAKES...should you die in this life, you'll be reborn as a PRINCESS!!! *applause track rolls*)
Like I said, I still care about the knuckle head, no matter what happened (even though I felt a little vindication that he had a crappy wedding...it's bad, I know, but when you have a heavy influence of Venus-in-Scorpio, it makes you a little bitter, a little vindictive and a mite bit happy at your enemies' suffering...I try to balance it out though, with my insanely neurotic nature).
I'm just...happy that I didn't get depressed. I usually do when the subject of Nick is brought up, but this time, I was good. I could look at his picture without thinking, "I wonder if I could cook up a spell to ruin his face, DAMN THE CONSEQUNCES!!!" Instead, I look at it and think, "I hope you have a wonderful life with you new wife and that you both get what you want and need and that you both are successful in your chosen careers and, if you should want to go the route of parenting, that you don't have retarded babies" (look, I'm not the most articulate being out there. Sometimes, I say some pretty rude and offensive stuff. Sue me!......................
.....................
.....................
.....................
Wait, don't sue me. I can't afford it. All I've got is a few thousands books, a busted jackass computer and a few pipe dreams. Please, tread softly. You're treading on my dreams.)
Anyway, that same night, Marcus tells me about the tournament, he also tells me that his "worst enemy is going to be there". Now, he has a long list of enemies, and I know that Blasina ranks as one of them, so I'm on my guard, but he says some other dude is going to be there, and in my head I'm all like, "Good because that bitch don't want me to throw down! NYAR!"
It's juvenile, I know.
It's immature, I know.
And disliking the girl won't get me the dreams that I want to achieve, but sometimes...just sometimes...I really just....UGH! (somehow, I think I missed the point of the post).
Okay...an update. The day that I've been dreading has come to pass and the universe has not shrivelled in on itself and collapsed. Trust me. It's a good thing. What is this dreaded day, you may ask? Well, my ex-boyfriend got married to the chick he cheated on me with nearly a year and some months ago. I was dreading it: 1) because, despite my current boyfriend, I still care about that [expletive] boy that I gave my heart to that long while ago and 2) I hate/dislike the chick that he married because...well...a little voice in my head wanted to cry "she stole him from me!" But how can you steal something that was so readily given? The first one to join is usually the first one to back out, and he was the first one to back out of the relationship.
now, don't get me wrong. I care about him, but I'm not in-love with him or love him anymore. I know that if he ever approached me in any way, shape or form in a way that wouls suggest "hey-let's-you-and-me...da da da la-ta-da" I'd probably kill him. But, if we were able to become friends, I'd be cool with that. It's hard to not feel something that a person that you gave that much of your heart to and trusted almost implicitly for a while. But, meeting him was a good lesson for me in the long run, and it teaches to not...well, let's just say that it taught me a lot of things.
I mean, when I was told by a few friends that he was getting married, I kind of got a 'WTF?' look on my face because I was all like "hang on, neither one of them has a decent place to stay, she's the only one who has a job and neither one of their parents have the money to afford a wedding...WTF is this?" But then I stopped myself and said: "does it matter?" I had to stop myself from marching up to Art Institute of Atlanta and say, "Nick, have you lost your cotton-pickin mind?! How the hell are you going to afford a ring?! You've NEVER held down a job, balanced your own checking account and YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB! Neither one of you has a REAL place to stay except AiA student Housing? Did you get her knocked-up?!!" But, that wasn't my place and he ALWAYS hated it when I pointed out the flaws in any situation (matter of fact, a lot of people hate that. It's not like I say, "Hey, don't do it because this-this-this-and-this could happen. I'm more like: Here's the details. NOW, do you really want to take that course of action?" I'm a Libra; I can't help it). So, I left it alone.
So, I'm at Sutra Lounge last night with my girls Laila and Shari, and Laila's boyfriend, Marcus, and my boyfriend, Shawn, and when La La and Shawn went to put some stuff in the car, Marcus pulls me aside to first discuss a fighting tournament that's coming up in a few weeks (Am SOOOO going! <3!) and then to discuss Nick and Blasina (that's the chick's name)'s wedding. I wasn't attempting to listen. Okay, I'm lying...I was, but only because Shari was indignant that she didn't get invited and Marcus went onto say that no one came except her family and a few of Nick's family, but the key people that were supposed to come abandoned him (ie his groomsmen and the rest of the groom's wedding party), and that Marcus himself didn't really go, but heard about it from another friend who had gone. The rumor was that because no one at AiA really liked Blasina that they didn't show up because they didn't agree with him, Nick, marrying her.
And I was a little shocked because when I'd heard about it from La La that she wouldn't go unless Marcus went (and Marcus didn't go), I was a little ticked because I knew that while Nick, Marcus and Blasina had had a falling-out last year, I knew La La was still at least on speaking terms with Nick (then again, she too had had a falling out this year with Blasina over some inappropriate comments that the former had made about Marcus) and that if they had felt that they wanted to invite her, then she should've gone to support her friends and been apart of their day (I don't know if it makes me a chump for wanting Nick to have a happy life even if it is with her or if it somehow gives me some extra Karma points for my next life...I know! *Announcer voice*: "Now YOU can win Karma POINTS and apply them to our GRAND PRIZE SWEEPSTAKES...should you die in this life, you'll be reborn as a PRINCESS!!! *applause track rolls*)
Like I said, I still care about the knuckle head, no matter what happened (even though I felt a little vindication that he had a crappy wedding...it's bad, I know, but when you have a heavy influence of Venus-in-Scorpio, it makes you a little bitter, a little vindictive and a mite bit happy at your enemies' suffering...I try to balance it out though, with my insanely neurotic nature).
I'm just...happy that I didn't get depressed. I usually do when the subject of Nick is brought up, but this time, I was good. I could look at his picture without thinking, "I wonder if I could cook up a spell to ruin his face, DAMN THE CONSEQUNCES!!!" Instead, I look at it and think, "I hope you have a wonderful life with you new wife and that you both get what you want and need and that you both are successful in your chosen careers and, if you should want to go the route of parenting, that you don't have retarded babies" (look, I'm not the most articulate being out there. Sometimes, I say some pretty rude and offensive stuff. Sue me!......................
.....................
.....................
.....................
Wait, don't sue me. I can't afford it. All I've got is a few thousands books, a busted jackass computer and a few pipe dreams. Please, tread softly. You're treading on my dreams.)
Anyway, that same night, Marcus tells me about the tournament, he also tells me that his "worst enemy is going to be there". Now, he has a long list of enemies, and I know that Blasina ranks as one of them, so I'm on my guard, but he says some other dude is going to be there, and in my head I'm all like, "Good because that bitch don't want me to throw down! NYAR!"
It's juvenile, I know.
It's immature, I know.
And disliking the girl won't get me the dreams that I want to achieve, but sometimes...just sometimes...I really just....UGH! (somehow, I think I missed the point of the post).
1.30.2009
KESSI vs. KYLANDA
This is x-posted from ABCfamily and the on-going debate of KylexJessi and KylexAmanda. I can't believe I'm spending so much time on this. sigh.
Well, seeings as how I work for an attorney, and I am attempting to become one (either that or psychologist, I'm still on the fence), I'd have to say that neither side has really provided ample reasons as to why Kessi should be together or why Kylanda should be together. On either side, the summary is thus:
1. They are soul mates
2. They are meant to be
3. They look cute together
4. They understand each other
It's all conjecture. Neither side is going to be convinced that the other is right. If there are individual conversions, then fine, but I don't suddenly see you or Cnith converting, neither really do I see myself or Amber converting. It's going to be on-going until the season ends and the writers make up their minds creatively. Either side has potential for success or failure. And I'll even go against the grain and prove and disprove why each side does and does not work. Here goes:
Since I love Kessi so much, I'll take this side on first:
PROS:
Since "conception" from the pod, Kyle has felt alone (of course, until he met the Tragers, but even then he hesitated in telling them everything), and that loneliness was compounded upon by the fact that he believed there was no one else in the world quite like him; no one as advanced, no one that could think on his level, no one that would truly understood who and what he was. However, when he discovered Jessi's existence and what Jessi was, he tried hard, very, very hard to be with her, show her that there was someone else out there just like her, and--in a sense--was able to assure himself that there was someone else out there, just like him, who could understand. From the moment the two saw each other, there was a click, and even before them meeting, there was the constant feeling of something, just something out there, that connection floating in the aether that drew him to her even before she was fully conscious and out of her own pod. When they were at the bonfire, when they were at the Rack, when they were at Hands on a Hybrid, their connection drew them closer and closer and closer until they finally met, were finally within each others' space, and that connection would never tear them apart, would always keep them on the same wavelength. Kyle needs her as much as she needs him; they balance each other out, they match each other-wit for wit, strength for strength. They are the only ones of their kind. Where Kyle is ice, is stoic and calm, prefers peace over violence, Jessi is fire, prefers action over waiting, prefers adventure and getting to the heart of things. Both crave foundation, reliability and a place to belong, a home to always call their own. Not only that, but it is in fact true what they say, opposites do attract each other; however, Jessi and Kyle are not that dissimilar from each other that there is no shared compatibility, and it has nothing to do with their shared abilities, the fact that they were “born” the same way or even what the psychic said in episode 3x02. They both have that deeply rooted fear that no one will understand them, that when it truly matters, everyone will leave them and there will be no one left to care for them or for them to care for. They are the only constant, so far, in their lives that will manage to remain the same: Jessi will be there because, truthfully, in this world there will be no one else like Kyle, and Kyle will be there, truthfully, because no one in the world will challenge him quite like Jessi, and will assure him (even if she betrays him), that when push comes to shove, she never forsake him fully. Jessi is afraid of life with no one around to truly care for her, and well, if she betrays Kyle, she’ll be in for a very long, lonely existence. She’s not like Sarah and yet she is everything like Sarah. When Sarah told her to come with her and leave, she didn’t; she forsook her one opportunity for a familial connection with her biological mother, to help the one person in the world that matters to her more than life itself. When push came to shove, and Kyle was in pain about what he had done to Amanda, she decided that his happiness meant more to her then her own and told him to “go make it right.”
CONS:
As some have stated, quite adamantly, Jessi could still be suffering from the after effects of MadaCorps’ botched programming attempts. Her affections, and strong feelings for Kyle, could all be the manufacture of some sick and twisted game, and there has been no resolution as to whether or not that programming has been wiped or is still messing with her mind. In the end, it could very well be that he feelings for Kyle are a bi-product of that mental tampering. After all, MadaCorp didn’t fully understand what they were getting into when they tapped Jessi as a resource for getting closer to Kyle. They didn’t fully understand the Zzyzx project until they realized that the complete data was floating out there in the ether somewhere in Kyle’s brain. So, the “suggestion” that they implanted may, in fact, still be working its way in her psyche, twisting her natural ability to find someone else of whom she maybe truly be compatible with. Also, the current state of her psyche. Children that have abandonment issues often latch onto the first thing that appears to them as a constant, even if it is a negative influence, it is the only thing that remains the same in their lives and gives them something to believe in, that will never leave them. Kyle is the only real constant in Jessi’s life that has not changed, has not left and has proven to be able to be her foundation. Her “affections” for him could merely be the bi-product of her abandonment issues and once she develops that ability to stand on her own and be her own person, then she may very well discover that she can develop healthy feelings and relations with others elsewhere. Kyle’s feelings for her, thus far, have been platonic. He has not shown any true romantic emotions towards Jessi, despite what others may want to see. He has made no advances, and no overtures that can be construed as “romantic”. He sees her as his counterpart, but not as THE counterpart. HOWEVER, as a side note, platonic relationships can very well develop into romantic ones (as I have seen, and as many have seen, in their own personal lives).
And now for Kylanda:
PROS:
With their relationship, is a romantic ideal. They are the innocent couple, a simple boy and a simple girl, meeting each other for the first time and falling for one another. He was drawn to her, not by her looks, but by her music, and as most know, music is an outlet for the soul. He was drawn to her soul, in a sense. He pined for her, for the first portion of first season and for a portion of second before finally building up the courage to pursue her openly. Their’s is a match of innocent souls, exploring life and the murkiness of life’s waters with the other. Amanda, in her own right, has underdeveloped strengths: she is firm in her beliefs, stands her ground when tested and when she discovers truths, is able to adapt semi-effectively. She believes in the good in people, as does Kyle, and is able to give others the benefit of the doubt. She helps friends in need, have overcome the difficult obstacles in life and is a constant, reliable, dependable young girl. Kyle needs that in his life. She is the one place he can go to, without having to worry about the pressures of being Kyle XY. With her, he can be a regular boy.
CONS:
However, despite it all, Kyle does not trust her. Kyle’s feelings for her are, as many have stated, idealized. Their relationship is one built on smoke and mirrors. Kyle sees her as a person that needs to be protected, as a person that can not handle the secret life that he lives and fears that she will be hurt by it. Even upon fear of her possibly being harmed during her kidnapping, and even possibly killed, he still did not reveal to her the reasons for why he is what he is, and what is was that had truly happened. Yes, there may be trust that exists in their relationship, but it is all one-sided. As stated again, their relationship is one of ‘first loves’, and first loves should always be sweet and endearing, and the type of love that you can look back on and say, ‘that was the one that taught me how I want to be treated in a relationship, how I want to be loved and cherished in a relationship.’ However, that’s all their romance really is: it is that first kiss, that first romance and that first heartbreak. It’s the superimposed view of what romance novels and romance movies strike to make their audiences drool over, but it’s unrealistic. It’s the honeymoon stage, where every single flaw is overlooked and every single problem is smoothed over with a kiss. But eventually, reality sets in and the honeymoon stage is over. Things that were smoothed under the rug can no longer be overlooked, problems that were “solved” with a kiss come back with bloody vengeance, and it’s up to the two involved to work it out. And, as we can see from the problems that have arisen in this current season, the problems are not able to be worked out so far. Not only that, but the believability is also a factor, and that while Kyle XY as a show has some pretty unbelievable themes, it still has to connect with its audience in such a way that one can tag along on the adventure from the comfort of their own living rooms. Amanda’s blind acceptance of the strange things that Kyle does and the secrets that Kyle keeps are not believable. She has yet to ask questions, has yet to make demands, and—in all honesty—if your boyfriend told you that you had been knocked out at prom, but you come to find out later that you were kidnapped and he “might” have had something to do with it or was a part of it, however remotely, everyone knows they’d have dumped the guy like a bad habit.
Kyle and Amanda are cute, but real life is not all butterfly kisses and longing looks from across the room. Sometimes, life hurts, sometimes people betray you and sometimes it’s not all smoke and mirrors. Kyle sees Amanda as this idealized and fragile thing, that can do no wrong and is always pure. That’s his vision of her, but if she were to do something bad, what would happen to his vision of her then? He has seen Jessi’s flaws and seen her at her lowest, so he knows what to expect from her bad girl side, but he too doesn’t know what to expect for her good girl side. He has yet to see Amanda’s flaws, and if he does see them, can he ever see her again as ‘good girl Amanda’? His love for her is puppy love, the first stirrings of a boy growing into a man, and what he has to discover for himself about relationships. It is not mature, and it is not self-actualized. It’s just beginning.
NOW, as I stated, neither of these relationships can the automatic cosmic ‘OK’ stamp of approval. They are both littered with their problems, their deceptions, the joys, their sorrows, their happinesses and their triumphs. I’m not here to sway one side OR the other, but I certainly hoped I have provided and ample basis for either side. I know there’s not much in the way of PROS for the Kylanda, but I had to stretch myself. I frown on ‘puppy love’, and while I had my own bout with it, I will say I’m more of the wild adventurous Jessi-type so it took me a minute to get passed my own trust issues to understand where Amanda is coming from. Sorry for such a long essay too, but I’ve always wanted to be a writer too, and writing was always a good trait to have to become a lawyer.
INTERESTING SIDE NOTE:
Amanda’s name means ‘lovable’ (it’s my mom’s name), and we can see from the show that she is quite the lovable character. However, Jessi’s name (originally derived from the name ‘Jessica’) means ‘He sees.’ Isn’t THAT interesting? Whereas one denotes automatically feelings of love, the other implies that one can truly SEE the inside of the other, and not feel the need to see one with the deceptive goggles of love, but to truly see one and grow to love them. I wonder what Kyle’s name means. Hm…..
/ramblings
Well, seeings as how I work for an attorney, and I am attempting to become one (either that or psychologist, I'm still on the fence), I'd have to say that neither side has really provided ample reasons as to why Kessi should be together or why Kylanda should be together. On either side, the summary is thus:
1. They are soul mates
2. They are meant to be
3. They look cute together
4. They understand each other
It's all conjecture. Neither side is going to be convinced that the other is right. If there are individual conversions, then fine, but I don't suddenly see you or Cnith converting, neither really do I see myself or Amber converting. It's going to be on-going until the season ends and the writers make up their minds creatively. Either side has potential for success or failure. And I'll even go against the grain and prove and disprove why each side does and does not work. Here goes:
Since I love Kessi so much, I'll take this side on first:
PROS:
Since "conception" from the pod, Kyle has felt alone (of course, until he met the Tragers, but even then he hesitated in telling them everything), and that loneliness was compounded upon by the fact that he believed there was no one else in the world quite like him; no one as advanced, no one that could think on his level, no one that would truly understood who and what he was. However, when he discovered Jessi's existence and what Jessi was, he tried hard, very, very hard to be with her, show her that there was someone else out there just like her, and--in a sense--was able to assure himself that there was someone else out there, just like him, who could understand. From the moment the two saw each other, there was a click, and even before them meeting, there was the constant feeling of something, just something out there, that connection floating in the aether that drew him to her even before she was fully conscious and out of her own pod. When they were at the bonfire, when they were at the Rack, when they were at Hands on a Hybrid, their connection drew them closer and closer and closer until they finally met, were finally within each others' space, and that connection would never tear them apart, would always keep them on the same wavelength. Kyle needs her as much as she needs him; they balance each other out, they match each other-wit for wit, strength for strength. They are the only ones of their kind. Where Kyle is ice, is stoic and calm, prefers peace over violence, Jessi is fire, prefers action over waiting, prefers adventure and getting to the heart of things. Both crave foundation, reliability and a place to belong, a home to always call their own. Not only that, but it is in fact true what they say, opposites do attract each other; however, Jessi and Kyle are not that dissimilar from each other that there is no shared compatibility, and it has nothing to do with their shared abilities, the fact that they were “born” the same way or even what the psychic said in episode 3x02. They both have that deeply rooted fear that no one will understand them, that when it truly matters, everyone will leave them and there will be no one left to care for them or for them to care for. They are the only constant, so far, in their lives that will manage to remain the same: Jessi will be there because, truthfully, in this world there will be no one else like Kyle, and Kyle will be there, truthfully, because no one in the world will challenge him quite like Jessi, and will assure him (even if she betrays him), that when push comes to shove, she never forsake him fully. Jessi is afraid of life with no one around to truly care for her, and well, if she betrays Kyle, she’ll be in for a very long, lonely existence. She’s not like Sarah and yet she is everything like Sarah. When Sarah told her to come with her and leave, she didn’t; she forsook her one opportunity for a familial connection with her biological mother, to help the one person in the world that matters to her more than life itself. When push came to shove, and Kyle was in pain about what he had done to Amanda, she decided that his happiness meant more to her then her own and told him to “go make it right.”
CONS:
As some have stated, quite adamantly, Jessi could still be suffering from the after effects of MadaCorps’ botched programming attempts. Her affections, and strong feelings for Kyle, could all be the manufacture of some sick and twisted game, and there has been no resolution as to whether or not that programming has been wiped or is still messing with her mind. In the end, it could very well be that he feelings for Kyle are a bi-product of that mental tampering. After all, MadaCorp didn’t fully understand what they were getting into when they tapped Jessi as a resource for getting closer to Kyle. They didn’t fully understand the Zzyzx project until they realized that the complete data was floating out there in the ether somewhere in Kyle’s brain. So, the “suggestion” that they implanted may, in fact, still be working its way in her psyche, twisting her natural ability to find someone else of whom she maybe truly be compatible with. Also, the current state of her psyche. Children that have abandonment issues often latch onto the first thing that appears to them as a constant, even if it is a negative influence, it is the only thing that remains the same in their lives and gives them something to believe in, that will never leave them. Kyle is the only real constant in Jessi’s life that has not changed, has not left and has proven to be able to be her foundation. Her “affections” for him could merely be the bi-product of her abandonment issues and once she develops that ability to stand on her own and be her own person, then she may very well discover that she can develop healthy feelings and relations with others elsewhere. Kyle’s feelings for her, thus far, have been platonic. He has not shown any true romantic emotions towards Jessi, despite what others may want to see. He has made no advances, and no overtures that can be construed as “romantic”. He sees her as his counterpart, but not as THE counterpart. HOWEVER, as a side note, platonic relationships can very well develop into romantic ones (as I have seen, and as many have seen, in their own personal lives).
And now for Kylanda:
PROS:
With their relationship, is a romantic ideal. They are the innocent couple, a simple boy and a simple girl, meeting each other for the first time and falling for one another. He was drawn to her, not by her looks, but by her music, and as most know, music is an outlet for the soul. He was drawn to her soul, in a sense. He pined for her, for the first portion of first season and for a portion of second before finally building up the courage to pursue her openly. Their’s is a match of innocent souls, exploring life and the murkiness of life’s waters with the other. Amanda, in her own right, has underdeveloped strengths: she is firm in her beliefs, stands her ground when tested and when she discovers truths, is able to adapt semi-effectively. She believes in the good in people, as does Kyle, and is able to give others the benefit of the doubt. She helps friends in need, have overcome the difficult obstacles in life and is a constant, reliable, dependable young girl. Kyle needs that in his life. She is the one place he can go to, without having to worry about the pressures of being Kyle XY. With her, he can be a regular boy.
CONS:
However, despite it all, Kyle does not trust her. Kyle’s feelings for her are, as many have stated, idealized. Their relationship is one built on smoke and mirrors. Kyle sees her as a person that needs to be protected, as a person that can not handle the secret life that he lives and fears that she will be hurt by it. Even upon fear of her possibly being harmed during her kidnapping, and even possibly killed, he still did not reveal to her the reasons for why he is what he is, and what is was that had truly happened. Yes, there may be trust that exists in their relationship, but it is all one-sided. As stated again, their relationship is one of ‘first loves’, and first loves should always be sweet and endearing, and the type of love that you can look back on and say, ‘that was the one that taught me how I want to be treated in a relationship, how I want to be loved and cherished in a relationship.’ However, that’s all their romance really is: it is that first kiss, that first romance and that first heartbreak. It’s the superimposed view of what romance novels and romance movies strike to make their audiences drool over, but it’s unrealistic. It’s the honeymoon stage, where every single flaw is overlooked and every single problem is smoothed over with a kiss. But eventually, reality sets in and the honeymoon stage is over. Things that were smoothed under the rug can no longer be overlooked, problems that were “solved” with a kiss come back with bloody vengeance, and it’s up to the two involved to work it out. And, as we can see from the problems that have arisen in this current season, the problems are not able to be worked out so far. Not only that, but the believability is also a factor, and that while Kyle XY as a show has some pretty unbelievable themes, it still has to connect with its audience in such a way that one can tag along on the adventure from the comfort of their own living rooms. Amanda’s blind acceptance of the strange things that Kyle does and the secrets that Kyle keeps are not believable. She has yet to ask questions, has yet to make demands, and—in all honesty—if your boyfriend told you that you had been knocked out at prom, but you come to find out later that you were kidnapped and he “might” have had something to do with it or was a part of it, however remotely, everyone knows they’d have dumped the guy like a bad habit.
Kyle and Amanda are cute, but real life is not all butterfly kisses and longing looks from across the room. Sometimes, life hurts, sometimes people betray you and sometimes it’s not all smoke and mirrors. Kyle sees Amanda as this idealized and fragile thing, that can do no wrong and is always pure. That’s his vision of her, but if she were to do something bad, what would happen to his vision of her then? He has seen Jessi’s flaws and seen her at her lowest, so he knows what to expect from her bad girl side, but he too doesn’t know what to expect for her good girl side. He has yet to see Amanda’s flaws, and if he does see them, can he ever see her again as ‘good girl Amanda’? His love for her is puppy love, the first stirrings of a boy growing into a man, and what he has to discover for himself about relationships. It is not mature, and it is not self-actualized. It’s just beginning.
NOW, as I stated, neither of these relationships can the automatic cosmic ‘OK’ stamp of approval. They are both littered with their problems, their deceptions, the joys, their sorrows, their happinesses and their triumphs. I’m not here to sway one side OR the other, but I certainly hoped I have provided and ample basis for either side. I know there’s not much in the way of PROS for the Kylanda, but I had to stretch myself. I frown on ‘puppy love’, and while I had my own bout with it, I will say I’m more of the wild adventurous Jessi-type so it took me a minute to get passed my own trust issues to understand where Amanda is coming from. Sorry for such a long essay too, but I’ve always wanted to be a writer too, and writing was always a good trait to have to become a lawyer.
INTERESTING SIDE NOTE:
Amanda’s name means ‘lovable’ (it’s my mom’s name), and we can see from the show that she is quite the lovable character. However, Jessi’s name (originally derived from the name ‘Jessica’) means ‘He sees.’ Isn’t THAT interesting? Whereas one denotes automatically feelings of love, the other implies that one can truly SEE the inside of the other, and not feel the need to see one with the deceptive goggles of love, but to truly see one and grow to love them. I wonder what Kyle’s name means. Hm…..
/ramblings
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