You know, I have many petpeeves when I drive and it's not because I'm a speed demon or have an insane amount of roadrage. Okay, that's a lie. I am, in fact, a speed demon, but road rage....really? C'mon. Get outta here. Anyway, I've got a few petpeeves such as...well...when you're driving on an expressway and you're attempting to merge onto traffic and there's a car blocking your way even though the guy or girl is taking the adjoining exit and is going to force you to have to play road acrobatics just to get onto the damn expressway. But my BIGGEST petpeeve is when someone is on a damn cellphone and aren't driving nearly as fast when they are off the cellphone. Driving is all about multitasking, so in my opinion, if you can't drive the same speed while on the cell as you would while not talking on a cell then PUT THE FUCKING PHONE AWAY! No conversation is worth getting in a wreck over or holding up traffic or even just being a rude ass.
Okay, so what happened today, right? I'm taking my friends and myself to a resturant because none of us have eaten today and we're all starving. I'd had to sit through an hour of traffic already on 285 West for whatever frackin reason, people were rude asses on the expressway while I'm trying to exit, I turned up and around trying to travel the street way to get to my home, my boss pissed me off because I was attempting to get paid early so that I could get to the bank, put money in my account and pay up my insurance and whole hell of a lot of other frackin problems today. Is it any wonder? Just give me a smooth ride. No, this bitch couldn't.
Usually, I let people do what they do and try to do what I do and that be all. I mean, I was tight behind her and she was creeping at like a snail pace. Seriously, to quote Ron White: she moving at the speed of smell, she was going so damn slow. And then my friend sitting in the front seat with me says: Aye, tell this bitch to get off the cellphone!" And immediately my brain was like, Wait. She's holding us up because she wants to discuss beauty secrets with her girlfriends. What the fuck--? So, I lay in on my horn and she decides that once she makes the right turn (same way I'm going) that she wants to stop abruptly and attempt to make me hit her car (if I had have hit it, I would've given the bitch a reason to call the cops), but I don't and she CONTINUES to drive at the speed of smell, so I lay in on the horn and don't let up for a minute (telling my mother later, I told her I pulled a George Gray, as in meaning my father's hellified road rage came out of me).
So, she's looking at me through her side mirrors with a dumb look in her face like, 'No this bitch is not honking her horn at me.' So, I'm shouting in Spanish and German and English telling this puthamadre, scheissbekompf, bitch ass muthafuckah to get the hell out of my way. And she decides that she's going to stop and stick her head out the window of her car and say 'You need to stop and fuck you and quit it and all this other bullshit, while my friend Laura said to me later that the security guard was looking at me and my car puzzled as hell. And I shout at the girl, Get OFF THE GODDAMNED CELLPHONE, BITCH!!!! Laura's in the back saying, 'I don't know these people.' Shari's laughing her ass off and I'm steadily shouting and half-way laughing myself. Finally, the bitch drives off and I get to go where I need to go.
Like I said, I'm usually cool about certain things: I'll let you pass me on the road and cut in front of me and do other things, but talking on a frackin cell phone is my biggest damn petpeeve, like you have no idea how much I hate it when some is on a cellphone and is driving slow and can't just finish up the damn conversation or pull off and talk and then when their done, get back on the road. There are enough stupid drivers on the road willing to do fucked up stunts to get where they have to go, why add dumbfuck cellphone talkers to the mix? Really? Is that what we do now? For real, for real.
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