Relationships, Love Life and All that Jazz

Oi, what have I done? I mean, I can now say that Astrology is good for somethings, but not good for prediction. Anyway, I'm a Libra, right? And well, okay, I do typify some of the most enduring Libra traits of charm and grace and appeal, but then other times the negative traits come out and they are annoying. I know I shouldn't do things without thinking it through, but then...I do them anyway and then perpetuate a lie because I want to be loved and not hated. Typical Libra response to anything and everything.

So, what have I done?

Ugh.

So, there's this guy named Anthony and before I dated my ex-boyfriend, he and numerous of his friends (and I mean, numerous...sometimes it's good to be a Libra), wanted to get with me. Some of them actually stepped up to the plate and asked me out, others of them stayed on the sidelines like the pussy-bitch-boys that they were. Anthony was one of the boys who'd take me out, but only, of course, as friends. I ultimately chose the asshole and now, he's the asshole ex. Well, trickle on down the line to now, in which Anthony is single and I am single, but I only liked him for a second. I knew well enough that it wasn't going to last for more than a few weeks this sudden infatuation (I do know myself well enough after all) and I knew when it was going to fade (it's mostly because I'm just attracted to the energies of Aries men, and that is truth because the last few dates I've been on were all...tada! Aries Men...I have GOT to get attracted to other z-signs, gawd!). Anyway, it--the infatuation--subsided a bit and I was more than ready to carry-on with my existence, but unfortunately some friends had a get-together and everyone knows what happens on get-togethers and I kissed him.

GAWK!

It wasn't unpleasant, but it didn't send sparks flying like I would've wanted it to. In fact, there wasn't anything except...'Oh, he has soft lips.' It should've gone more like 'OOOOOh, soft lips...yummmm!'

So, now I'm all like. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! What have I done? And instead of cutting him off and saying, yeah, I'd prefer to be friends...I perpetuate it because I'm scared to death that he will hate me. And his friends that I am friends with, will hate me as well. And I LIKE these people so...ngrw!! Yes, ngrw!! Because I know that at this moment I am not looking for a relationship with anyone (it might have something to do with the fact that I let this OMFG guy get away a couple months back and my psyche is making me pay for it, but w/e...see previous entry from a few months back -->). I mean, I know now that if I got into a relationship with him that I wouldn't be faithful to him because even now I'm trying to get the hook-up and date other guys and my mind will be far away from him. After all, I'm hoping to try on some Asian lovin' with the serious intent of being in a relationship. Not that Asians are the only ones that I'm open to...White guys, Asian Guys, Pacific Islanders, Indians, etc. When I was a kid I fancied myself marrying either a Japanese guy or a Maori man from New Zealand (and no, I do not have hatred for my own race, but I was a bit more open to the idea of interracial relationships than most kids in an-all-balck community....My first crush was my Korean martial arts instructor T.H. Kim..and even after a good couple of years and a smattering of grey hair, that man still looks da-yum good).

Anyway, I've screwed up and I've seen him naked and I KNOW I'm shallow and a tadbit vain...I KNOW that because this other dude liked me and I stopped liking him because he broke wind in my apartment and, while that is a natural function of the human body, it WAS MY APARTMENT AND GOD NO!!!!!! So, Anthony has warts...on his back and his knee. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! There are ways to REMOVE THEM!!!! Ew. So, call me and asshole....I dun care. It's just...unfortunate that I'll have to take him off the market too because I don't want him at all, and you want to know how I realized this. He was talking to a female friend of his and they were leaning together pretty close and I felt nothing...Not a twinge of jealousy or anything, and usually when I like somebody I feel that. I mean, with my ex- this OOGLAY chick who I KNEW had no chance in HELL of getting with him was coming around trying to flirt with him and I felt that twinge of jealousy, so...I KNOW.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!